This article originally appeared in “Chicago Tribune.”
one day maybe I’ll be able to wisely reflect upon my experiences as a parent, but right now, in the heat of it, what comes to mind is a certain four-letter word: H-A-R-D (other four-letter words come to mind, too).
The challenges we moms face can also bring us together in solidarity. Remembering that we’re never alone when we look to each other can help us in even our most trying times. In the interest of solidarity, I want to share some challenges our family has been facing.
I’ve written about my son Dariusz before. He is a strong-willed, independent child who often challenges my competence and confidence as a mother. We’ve been through plenty of trying times, but none have made me feel as vulnerable as I’ve felt in the past few weeks.
Early on Christmas Eve morning, Dariusz, who has a history of febrile seizures, awoke with a fever. We immediately gave him Tylenol, but it was too late – the seizure began within minutes. Fortunately, unlike his previous two febrile seizures, this one was brief and stopped on its own. We made it through the holidays, even hosting Christmas Eve, and Dariusz made a full recovery.
Then the first week of January, Dariusz developed what we believed were symptoms of a virus – a full-body rash, pink eye and fever. We spent all week in and out of immediate care and his pediatrician’s office, trying to make sense of his symptoms, until on Saturday he was diagnosed with Kawasaki disease, an autoimmune disease that can cause heart damage if left untreated. He was admitted to Loyola for treatment.
It was a scary, stressful, exhausting time for all of us. It broke my heart to watch my baby lying in bed with an IV, getting poked and prodded. It pained me when his fever returned and I had to force him to take more medicine. I bit my lip and held back tears so I could be strong for him.
The day Dariusz was discharged from the hospital, the well broke.
We’d been home for less than two hours when Dariusz started terrorizing his little brother, poking him with a stick for no reason. I told him firmly to stop, and he didn’t, so I started yelling (or at least tried to, as I’d come down with laryngitis). He still didn’t listen so I pried the stick out of his hands and marched out of the room. He picked up a plastic ball and whipped it, hitting me hard in the knee. I lost it and started bawling. My 2-year-old reached his tiny fingers to touch my eye. “You crying, mama?”
I just couldn’t deal with it. I headed up to bed and sobbed. Thank God my husband was home and he took over. I lied there and let the tears pour out.
My emotionally charged, overtired mom-self was thinking, “I spent the past eight days taking care of you and trying to stay strong for you, and now you have the NERVE to disrespect and hurt me?” When I should have been thinking, “I can’t expect this kid to act normally right now. He has been through war.” But then again, so had this mama.
So why do I share all of this with you? Not to impart any wisdom or advice, not to tell you I found the silver lining, or learned an important lesson.
We all face incredible challenges as moms, and it’s so important we stick together.
When sickness makes its way into your home one too many times …
When you’re living on reheated coffee and a prayer for a car nap …
When you’re seriously worried about you or a loved one’s health, your marriage or your financial state …
When you feel under-appreciated …
When you blame yourself for your child’s behavioral, academic or physical challenges …
When your self-care has gone to hell …
When a loved one utters words that bring you to tears …
When you burst into tears and don’t even know why …
When you just can’t …
… You can. We can. Solidarity, mamas.
Nicole Radziszewski is a freelance columnist. She lives in River Forest and is a certified personal trainer and mother of two. Check Nicole out on Facebook at Facebook.com/mamasgottamove.